


Of Loneliness And Friendship

by wolfstarlights



Series: HP Pride Month! [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Aromantic, Asexual Character, Asexual Peter Pettigrew, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Coming Out, Demiromantic Peter Pettigrew, Demisexual Lily Evans, Gen, Internalized Acephobia, Muggle AU, POV Peter Pettigrew, Prom, aroace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24557644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfstarlights/pseuds/wolfstarlights
Summary: Peter gets into a row with his friends because he’s struggling with his sexuality - or lack there of.I beg you, please give this a chance. Even if you hate Peter. I‘ll be forever grateful.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: HP Pride Month! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1785694
Comments: 13
Kudos: 42





	Of Loneliness And Friendship

**Author's Note:**

> This is my oneshot for @wolfstars_ ‘s #hppridemonth on insta. Hope you like it, Bro <3

Peter walked down the path towards the Potter house. No, house wasn’t the right word. A manor, that’s what it was. Looking like it was from another century. Which it probably was. Peter knew, that what was waiting behind those ancient walls, was the most welcoming and open-hearted family to ever exist, but he still caught himself being intimidated by the huge and mighty facade. His day at school had been exhausting and it showed as he dragged himself up the front steps leading to a heavy mahogany door. Just as he was about to raise his knuckles to knock, the door flew open and a bespectacled mess of limbs jumped at him overexcitedly.

“She said yes, Pete! Can you believe that? She said yes!” 

An awkward laugh was Peter’s response while he patted James’ shoulder in a brotherly manner. To be honest, he didn’t know if he should cry or laugh. Don’t get it wrong, he was beyond happy that his best friend finally had a date with the girl of his dreams! But that also meant that he was now officially the only Marauder without a date for Prom night. Not that he’d wanted one in the first place. 

“That’s amazing, Prongs!” 

“Thanks, man! Bloody hell, I still can’t really believe it. Lily Fucking Evans! I’m going to Prom with Lily Fucking Evans!”

“Yeah, wow!”

Peter was probably the worst liar on the face of earth and his fake smiles were absolute trash as well and James would usually see through his weak facade immediately. Not today. 

“Come on, Pete. If we leave the others alone for too long, they’ll start snogging and I don’t want to walk in on them half naked again.”

Turns out Sirius and Remus were already all over each other. Given, they still had their shirts on but somehow the sight managed to extinguish the last bit of excitement Peter had had left for this evening anyways. 

Couldn’t they just go back to being four best friends doing stupid shit together?  
No girls, no relationships between any of them. Just four idiots having the best time of their lives. Apparently that was too much to ask. Nowadays, everything had to be about sex and snogging and love interests of any kind and Peter just felt trapped and there was no escape.

_  
‘ Pete, who do you think is the hottest girl in our grade? ’_

_‘ Have you had your first kiss, yet? ’_

_‘ So, Petey, do you have a girlfriend? - Or a boyfriend, Bernie! You know, we will accept you no matter what! - Of course, or a boyfriend. - no? Well, better hurry up then, or all the good ones will be gone! ’_

_‘ Who was your first crush? ’_

_‘ Boobs over butt! - Nonono, Prongs, you got it all wrong! - What do you think, Wormy? ‘  
_

Personally, his most terrifying experience had been to find out that literally every boy in his year had, at some point, watched porn and wanked over it. Except him. Also, everyone apparently seemed to have an urge to press their food hole onto the one of another person. Except him. He felt so out of place. Like something was wrong with him. He knew there wasn’t. He knew the word, he’d done his research. It still felt surreal. Like it was something that existed in another world. 

Maybe that was why he never said it out loud. It would make it real. And if it was real, then he’d be completely alone.

“Hey, Pete. Who did you say you are taking to Prom?”

Here we go again.

“I don’t know, I thought I’d ask Mary, maybe.”

“Sorry, mate. I’m pretty sure she’s agreed to go with Dearborn.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll find someone, right?”

Really, Peter wouldn’t mind to ask someone to Prom. His problem was that it usually came with certain expectations. 

James still seemed to have this pink glasses on because he simply agreed, along with the others, before asking them which movie they wanted to watch tonight. At the moment, Peter couldn’t give any less fucks about the damn movie so he just nodded at whatever Sirius picked.

How could none of them see that he was so far from being fine?

Maybe he was reading too much into it. Maybe this behaviour was simply normal for him by now. His awkwardness and his silence and his passively agreeing to everything they said.

About halfway through the movie, people started making out. Ugh, usually he was spared from that until the end. Today was just not his day. And, as if to prove this point, Remus and Sirius were attached at the lips again when he turned away from the TV. James didn’t seem to care. Remus slowly let his hand slip beneath the hem of Sirius’ T-shirt. Peter snapped.

“Could you please stop doing that right in front of me?”

All three Marauders stared at him in a mix of confusion and shock.

“What’s up with that, Wormtail? You’re not usually like that.”

“I mean, I am all happy for you and everything, but you don’t have to snog right in front of me! That’s disgusting!”

“Are you for real, right now?”

“No, I-“

Damn it! Why could he never find the right words?

“I- I‘m sorry. I- I shouldn’t have said that. I-“

Sirius wouldn’t have any of it.

“No, please! If you have a problem with our relationship, say it! Say it right now! You find it disgusting to see me kiss my boyfriend?”

“Well, yeah… No- it’s complica-“

“No, if you can’t deal with that, then I don’t want you in my room!”

“Sirius, baby-“

“No, Remus! I don’t want to see his rat face anymore.”

The room fell silent, the tension unbearable. Pete looked at each of his friends and while James and Remus hadn’t really said much, it was clear that they were really fucking pissed at him, too. He grabbed his bag and walked across the room towards the door, stumbling on the way. Lingering there for a moment, he turned around again hesitantly.

“See you on monday?”

“OUT!”

He left. Trembling.

Fuck.

He’d screwed up so bad! 

If they just had let him explain everything... but then again he wasn’t really ready for that. 

Before he could leave the house, Mrs Potter stopped him and asked if everything was alright. He brushed her off quickly. She didn’t look very convinced but she let him out the door.

Fuck.

(-+-+-+-)

The rest of the weekend was the worst he’d ever had. He would have very much liked to spend all of it hidden in his bedsheets, stress eating and watching action movies. The _Assassins Creed_ movie seemed like the right choice. The only problem was that his parents had other plans. So he ended up spending the whole weekend at his grandparents’, surrounded by all of his extended family. And none of them seemed to give a damn that he’d just probably lost all three of his best friends.  
Not that he had told anyone.

Anyway, he was caught in an internal struggle between wanting Monday to come, so this hell would be over, and dreading the hell that would most likely await him on Monday at school.

In the end, Monday came around either way and for the first time in seven years Peter stood there alone. And the others were on the other side of the hallway by their lockers, talking easily. As if they didn’t miss him one bit. 

Who was he kidding, they had always been way closer with each other than with him. But there was still hope that if they would just let him explain…

Taking all the courage he had, he walked over, but before he could say a single word, Sirius had Remus pinned against the lockers and was snogging the hell out of him. Peter turned towards James but he, too, didn’t let him talk.

“Please, Pettigrew. Don’t make it worse.”

Ouch. That stung. Surnames were usually saved for enemies and strangers. That was one of their best insiders.

“O- okay. Bye.”

The day was long and seemed to stretch into eternity with each class. He was sitting in the very back, as far away from the others as possible, in every lesson and by the time the bell rang for lunch, all the teachers had scolded him for not paying attention.

When he arrived at the cafeteria, all tables were taken already. He longingly gazed over at the Marauder’s table. James, Remus and Sirius were laughing about something and they had placed all their bags on the fourth chair. _His_ chair.

“Peter!”

The lonely boy turned around hastily, but didn’t see anyone.

”Over here!”

There.  
Lily Evans was waving him over to where she sat with her girls. She took her bag off the chair next to her.

“Come on, sit down. Mary is with her new boyfriend anyways.”

A little wary of the whole situation, he walked over, but he didn’t take the chair.

“Why are you-?”

“After I agreed to go to Prom with James, I need to make sure he isn’t mistreating anyone. I couldn’t tolerate that, could I? Now, sit down and eat with us!”

He sat down. He moved to pull his lunchbox from his bag, just to realise, he forgot to pack it this morning.

“Here, you can have my second sandwich! My dad always thinks he’s doing me a favour by making me more than I can eat.”

Dorcas smiled at him as she handed it to him. He smiled back.

“Thanks.”

For a few minutes they ate in silence. Then, out of nowhere, Dorcas and Marlene stood up and left, stating they had to get something from the library.  
Now he was alone with Lily.

“So, do you want to tell me what’s happened between you and the rest of your gang?”

Peter snorted. 

“We’re not a gang.”

“That’s besides the point.”

Peter stayed silent for a little while, sorting out his thoughts.

“You’re intelligent, right?”

She laughed.

“So I’ve been told, yes.”

“Okay. So, well, we- there was a fight… Or something. It was kind of about, well... Sirius and Remus were making out again and I just… Couldn’t take it?”

Lily raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. Which Peter was very grateful for.

“The thing is, I- I’m not homophobic or something. I just- I don’t like seeing people kiss or something and I’d had a bad day and everything is always about kissing and stuff and-“

He took a deep breath.

“Yeah.”

Lilly mustered him for a moment. The next thing she said took him by surprise.

“You don’t want to ever kiss somebody yourself, do you?”

He shrugged. It was a little more complicated than that.

“And you don’t feel sexual attraction.”

This time it wasn’t a question. Peter still nodded in response.

“How do you-?”

“Well, I did some research on the topic... seeing as I’m demisexual myself.”

He kept his gaze fixed on his fingers. They were shaking.

“For real?”

Lily laughed.

“For real.”

“Oh.”

Peter felt like crying but he held it back with all force. He hadn’t said the word, yet, but he knew he could do it now. Because someone else had said it first and that meant he wouldn’t be alone if he did.  
Finally he looked up at her and gave her a shaky smile.

“Thank you!”

“Should I talk to James about it?”

Peter considered it for a second.

“Just- could you tell them to meet me in our headquarters after school, please?”

“Of course, Pete. Also, I’m always here if you need to talk.”

Peter took another deep breath to refrain from breaking down into tears.

“Thank you, Lily. For everything.”

(-+-+-+-)

The remaining classes of the day went by a lot easier. Although Peter was pretty twitchy all the time due to his nerves about the upcoming talk.

If they would even show up...

No, it was going to be fine! Lily could make James do anything for her.

After the final lesson of the day, Peter slowly made his way to Mr Slughorn’s lab, trying to sort the words in his head. Sirius had been given access to it from the teacher in first year after impressing him with his skills, so he could use it for ‘further experimenting’. Since then, it had become the Marauders’ headquarters, where 90% of their pranks had originated from. Either Slughorn didn’t have the brains to connect the dots or he just didn’t care enough but he hadn’t revoked this privilege from Sirius even once in all their years at this school.  
They had barely used the lab this term at all. Somehow, they had been too busy to organise any pranks. What with final exams coming up and Remus and Sirius becoming a couple and everything.

Now, he stood in front of the door, not really ready for what was going to happen, but he didn’t really have a choice if he wanted to get his best friends back. Gulping down his apprehensions, he took the handle and entered the room. The others were already waiting for him. While Remus and James’ expressions were relatively neutral, Sirius’ was laced with anger and disgust. Peter closed the door behind him. When he turned around, Sirius scowled.

“So? Ready to explain your homophobia?”

“I- I’m not homophobic.”

Sirius snorted.

“Sure. I vaguely remember you saying, seeing two boys kiss disgusts you.”

“I said, it’s complicated!”

“Well, I don’t think it is!”

“Pads!”

“What, James?!”

“Let the man talk, okay?”

Sirius huffed, but this time he stayed silent. 

Peter panicked.

What had he wanted to say? He was sure he’d prepared his words. But they were gone again. 

The others stared at him expectantly.

Peter wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans. It was now or never.

“You know… Well, the thing is I- I’m different, I guess. No, I know that I’m different. See, you guys, you- you talk about dating and- and Prom dates and, you know, sex and stuff and I… I am just not like that? Not only the talking but like, also the doing. Like, I don’t want that. Ever. And I also don’t like seeing others do it. And there’s like some things I can imagine doing in the future but also, like- just not with everyone? I can’t really explain it? You know, there- there’s this spectrum, or more like two, one for ace people and one for aromantics and I’m, you know, somewhere on there, but like, not the same on both? And like, yeah… whatever…”

The silence that followed his rant was painful. Had they understood any of his rambling? Did they believe him?

Suddenly, Sirius closed the distance between them with long strides and embraced him in a hug. Surprised, Peter awkwardly placed his arms on his back. A small sob was the first thing to disrupt the quiet.

“Sirius?”

He felt the other boy shake his head against his shoulder.

Then he whispered, “I’m sorry, Pete.”

“It’s- it’s okay, Pads.”

Sirius shook his head again. Then he stepped back, wiping his damp cheeks with his sleeves. 

James spoke next.

“I should’ve realised how uncomfortable you were on Friday.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. And I wanna make it up to you.”

“Me too”, said Remus.

“Yeah, me too.”

“How about we all go stag for prom? I’ll cancel my date with Lily and you two refrain from snogging for one night.”

“Yeah.”

“Sure, let’s do it.”

“No! No, James, you can’t cancel your date with Lily!”

“I can do whatever the fuck I want!”

“But you- you’ve been waiting for this chance for _seven years_!”

“So what? I think I’ll manage a few more weeks of waiting. Also, you are our best friend! You deserve to have just as much of a great Prom night as every one of us!”

Peter opened his mouth to argue.

“Nope, no discussion. We go as The Marauders or we don’t go at all.”

That was the moment the first tear spilled from Peter’s eyes.

“Okay, okay, everyone stop crying now, please!”

They laughed.

“I- I don’t deserve you guys,” Peter sniffled.

“You deserve everything.”

(-+-+-+-)

Prom night arrived and all Marauders stayed true to their word. The four of them danced and laughed and ate and drank and were over all back to being four idiots having the best time of their lives.

At one point David Bowie’s _The Prettiest Star_ started playing and Peter insisted Remus and Sirius at least have that one dance together because he knew it was Their Song. A little later, the couple had long returned to the group, Peter was sick of James constantly throwing glances at Lily (which she returned most of the time) and, with the help of the other two boys he physically dragged him over to her table.

“James Potter, you will ask her for that dance! Right now!“

“But I promised-“

“Listen, I appreciate that y’all did that to make sure I have a great night, and I am enjoying myself right now, but Prongs! This is your Prom, too! And I swear to god, if you don’t get your ass over there right now, i’ll spend the rest of the night crying in the restrooms! And you don’t want to be responsible for that, do you?“

James ended up dancing with Lily for three songs, the remaining Marauders closely watching and commenting each and every one of their moves. When finally Lily kissed him, they all wolf whistled and whooped and James returned to their table absolutely baffled.

“She- she kissed me. And she asked me out for dinner. Lily Fucking Evans asked me out on a date.”

They kept celebrating for a few more hours and it was way past midnight when James dropped Peter off at his house.

“Thank you, guys! This was the best night ever!”

“Well, it’s not like our night was any less amazing!”

Peter smiled.

“See you guys on Monday?”

“See you on Monday, Wormtail.”

And they drove off. His friends were the absolute best.

“Mum? Dad? I’m back.”

“Oh, Petey! How was your night?”

His mother muted the TV.

“Great! The best night of my life!”

His father raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, really? Did you have a dance with a lovely girl?”

“Or boy, Bernie!”

“Yes, or boy, of course!”

Peter look took a deep breath and all his courage. 

Yes, he could say it now. 

And with the most genuine smile on his lips he said, “No, I didn’t. Mum? Dad? We need to talk!”

_~The End~_

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I put so much from myself into this... I really hope you enjoyed reading this and it would mean the world if you could leave kudos and a comment. 
> 
> Thank you, loves<3
> 
> PS: Peter is precious and you can’t convince me otherwise!!!


End file.
